Recovery Series: Finding Connection on the Hard Days
I love to listen to people tell their stories. Whether it’s through an audiobook or over a one-on-one conversation, I find deep beauty in hearing someone share their truth.
A few years ago, I picked up a book called “Year of Yes” by Shonda Rhimes. In it, Shonda talks about saying yes to every opportunity for an entire year.
Friend, I’ve said yes when I wanted to say no. And I’ve said no when I desperately wanted to say yes. But there is nothing quite like the no that comes as a result of anxiety.
When Anxiety Interrupts Connection
Anxiety is the arch nemesis of connection. It creeps in quietly sometimes, right on cue, and other times it storms in out of nowhere. It can show up on perfectly good days when everything feels fine, maybe even better than fine, and suddenly there you are saying no to connection when deep down you never wanted it to be a no.
Anxiety just got the better of you.
Over the years, I’ve learned a few tricks to keep it quiet. But this week, it got the better of me again. It came rushing in full speed ahead, and I was unprepared. Nothing bad happened. No trigger, no warning. It just showed up, uninvited and unannounced.
And all the things that usually help? They didn’t work this time. In fact, some even seemed to make it worse.
The Question That Follows
So today’s question is this: How do you find connection even when anxiety says no?
Is it even possible? And if so, how can you do it well?
Choosing Connection Anyway
Let me say this first, I’m no expert. This is just my experience.
It’s true. This week anxiety found me, and it took me for a good ride. And yet, I found myself pulling out a pen and paper to write a letter.
Yes, on the day anxiety was at its worst, I wrote to my new pen pal.
I didn’t write about my anxiety. Instead, I wrote about who I am, the things I enjoy, and what I’d like to know about her. Writing gave me a small window of calm, a chance to breathe and to connect.
While anxiety kept me home that day, it did not get to define me. It did not get to rob me of every possible connection I could make.
So I set out with intention to connect, even on what I’d call my hardest anxiety day in a long time. I gave my attention to something and someone that mattered to me.
And in doing so, I refused to believe the lie that I’ll never have real connection because I can’t commit to a “year of yes.”
Because that, my friend, is called comparison, and comparison is the thief of joy.
And I like my joy around here, even on the hard days.
This Week’s Reflection
If you struggle with anxiety and connection, take a few moments to reflect on these questions:
- What does anxiety keep me from saying yes to?
- What small, simple step could I take toward connection on my next hard day?
- How can I give myself grace when I can’t show up the way I want to?
Write down your answers. Sit with them. Let them remind you that even on the hard days, you can still choose connection in your own quiet, courageous way.



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